Today was a better day. I'm super pooped so I won't type up a long post tonight. I'll catch y'all up tomorrow ok. I'm off to bed. I did talk with T and all is ok right now. I'm feeling much better.
Wendy, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. How I needed them desperately. I thought long and hard about what you wrote. Thank you for being straight-up with me and bold too. I need that. A good swift kick, though gentle sometimes... tee hee. I mentioned what you said to T and he added a few words too. You gave me a perspective I didn't think about. It's funny because I always thought I have loved myself and off and on... I have. I think I forgot about that important person, me. I started thinking of things I could do for myself and you gave me a path, a direction to go in... thank you for that. I needed it.
I'm also still lugging around all my library books which will be due come Monday... this weekend I plan to get in gear and take a thorough look at them all and decide which ones to renew if necessary and finish a couple of the ones I've been reading.
I have to admit too... though I'd rather not... that I have not been taking my meds for the past week or so. T changes his tone when he hears about it and he stresses the importance of it to me. It's not like I don't know about it... I just hate taking them. I needed to be able to wake early/ not be too tired to go in early for work this week and work long hours. With the meds, the side effects include drowsiness and I get groggy. So I deliberately avoided taking them over the past few days and I should know better. T has seen first hand now what happens when I don't take them. As well as anyone else who has read my blog postings. I tend to get a little freaked out and my thoughts race wildly. I must've texted him what seemed like 50 text messages within the last two days. He knows me pretty well and has learned to put up with me rather well too.
M-girl and Spencer... thank you also... believe me I have in the back of my mind playing like a broken record player the idea of what if I move to TN. I think of it a lot. I just don't want to be any further away from CA. I really want to be in CA. How I would love to be around you and family -yet also I don't know that you'd all really like to allow me to continue living the lifestyle I lead. I drink alcohol on rare occasions, I slip up with an occasional swear word or four... I drink tea sometimes coffee. Though I prefer not to be in the habit of coffee anymore. Aggravates my GERD like crazy and I have awful heartburn issues. But I do like an occasional frapaccino (spell?) etc. I don't know if any of this really matters or not... but I don't want you or anyone to feel any sort of obligation that they have to work on converting me back into the church either. Not that you will or won't... I just don't know.
I love you guys soooooo much. I think I'm ok. At least for the time being, not to mention I haven't had any sleep since Sunday night... what is that now -ummmm... well I've been going since 11am Monday morning... non-stop. And now it's 12:21am Wednesday. Time for me to blow sweet g'nite kisses and wish you all happy pleasant dreams until the next time.
More soon,
Much luv,
Christy :)
