To Girl
If I ever wanted to see you for just a second it was last night after the dance. I was waiting for Bill, who was taking a girl home. He would be back in fifteen minutes and then we would walk back to our House. Well, he had just left when the only man whom I dislike in the whole darn club came up to me and told me that he was stuck with two girls and wanted me to help him out--get them home--"only take a few minutes."
Well, I was suspicious and after the first half-hour was frankly skeptical. An hour later I was sorry I'd bitten. The man who got me in the jamb was having a mean party with his maid, and I, being out in the cold in more ways than one, had to play the fool and amuse my maid for all that time. After I had talked about everything from college to cheeses and back again, walked up and down the block a dozen times hoping she'd freeze or get pneumonia or something, she began to get really coy and chummy and insinuating, and damn it all, I near poked her one in the nose and beat it for Bill. Fact is, I was so sore and sick that I had to waste a night like that (most heavenly moon)on such a mud fence (which is slander for she wasn't bad looking) that I almost took her up just to get even with her. It never reacted on me that way before, but when she started this fool flirting and playing with my hands I was almost tempted to give in to myself and show her that that kind of stuff is not for wholesale fooling, and end up by spanking her soundly.
Well, I hope I played the gentleman; I'm sure I never had to work so hard. The man finally showed up and after bickering around with the father of one of the girls for a long while (he didn't want his daughter to go out with strange men, yet he was lit to the gills on stuff from his own cellar!), they finally took us home and I wasn't sorry.
When I saw that tail light disappearing down the street I felt sort of weak and wanted you very badly, for it was a close shave for Larry.
Oh, well, the old moon grinned at me for a while and I felt better. Then I went in and Bill was waiting for me and the kidding he gave me snapped me out of it pretty quickly. The boy's a peach. I wish he wasn't a senior.
So I took an awful beating last night. That is, from the point that they think I'm an awful stick and antediluvian. Well, let 'em. As long as you typify my ideals I am quite ready to get myself in any jamb, 'cause I can pull out when I have something to hold to--and that something is the thought of you.
You asked me how you helped me. I can't say it very well, but this is something of what I'd like to say:
For over three years, Girl of Mine,
I've known you pretty well;
How much you've come to mean to me
You know I dare not tell.
I like your body, for it's strong
And beautiful, and fine.
Your life is clean and wholesome, like
I'm trying to make mine.
I like your mind; pure, eager, quick,
Your intellect is keen;
Your thoughts are fair, unbiassed, rich,
While mine are small and mean.
I like your spirit. You're a Heart,
A Personality.
Your sweetness and your lovely Self
Tell what I ought to be.
In body, mind, and spirit, Girl,
Your life is full and real;
Because I'd like mine that way too
I cherish your ideal.
And so you do all this for me
That no one else can do;
I pray to be more worthy, see?
More worthy, Girl, of you.
Forgive me, but I want you to have this that I scribbled off two weeks ago and hadn't the courage to tell you!
Yesterday was a big day. Atter lunch I fussed around until two-thirty and then took the Traill Green Math Prize exam. At the end of three hours I was only three-quarters of the way through and had to leave so there isn't a prayer of my getting even second in it, but it is good experience to have. And then--! I hurried over to Walsh Hall and arrived in time to go through the Tau Kappa Alpha initiation and now I am a Brother. It is such a good bunch of men! And after the ceremonies we had a regular business meeting and I was elected vice-president for next year. More luck that I don't deserve. Then we went down to a dinner at the Karldon and Prexy and several other guests were there to make it real festive. Everybody said something and it was loads of fun all around--except that Herb will go next year and we were almost in tears when he made his speech.
So I've reached another goal that I have always wanted--and was sure I'd never get. Tau Kappa Alpha will increasingly mean a lot to me, and the next two years of debating will be one long joy. It would be deadly with the standard type of debaters--milk-and-water affairs with horn-rimmed glasses--but this aggregation is a fighting crowd and it is a pleasure to work with them.
Somehow all the little disturbing things are getting under my skin and my usual placid disposition is getting irritable. Will you let me rave if I promise to be irritable only to you?
The trouble started sometime this week with several fool little things that are the result of carelessness and irresponsibility. My relationship with J----has never been terribly strong on account of them because no matter how hard we both try, we aggravate each other a bit, and it's a damn shame. I wouldn't care if I didn't like the boy so well, but when he goes out night after night and cares absolutely nothing about his work it makes me just sick for him. If he just would say that he doesn't care; but every week he is full of good intentions and he is a poor finisher. Always dies on first. Oh, I never say anything much, but when the man you would like for your friend is such a dismal failure, when two or three men in the House are accepting all the responsibility (how I've come shy at that word!), when the House average is going for a merry ride downhill, when one has not a real friend to console with in the House--you must see that it is quite a job to keep a grin on your face and be nice to everybody. What they need is somebody who won't be nice, but after harping, harping futilely for nearly a year it's getting tiresome work alone. This sounds terribly bad for the Zete House, but truly the same and usually worse conditions exist in the other Houses.
The other afternoon after Senior Pee-rade Bob and J---- and I saw a peach of a show and just as I was about happy and contented I got in with a bunch of men and after driving around we ended up in Charlie's and I had to be sociable while the rest guzzled beer for an hour. Naturally that took the pep out of everything--for me, of course--and then I came back to the House and met Bro Perry from the Central Office.
He had come to talk to the men about scholarship and he dragged me aside (you must forgive me this telling but I want you to know) to tell me that one of the men in the House had said that--this sounds bad!--I was his ideal on the campus. Then after making me thoroughly uncomfortable Bro Perry wound up by telling me that I had a tremendous responsibility to the men, the House, and Zeta Psi, that I must watch myself every minute, etc. Damn! I went up to bed and was sore for a good hour, sore because I know well that it is true. I have a responsibility, and I'm trying to accept it, but it's hard sometimes. It's all right for other people to say, "Oh, so-and-so looks up to you. You must come clean for his sake." Sometimes I believe that this business of being an idealist isn't all it's cracked up to be; at least I'm sure that most times it's blamed lonesome.
Last night was the Theta Delt dance and after I had fully determined not to go I went, mainly for the fun of wearing my tuck. It was a great party; marvelous music, bunches of imported girls, and much life and gaiety. Guess that's what I've been needing; I've stayed too close to work and meetings.
Tuesday we went swimming in the river and it seemed mighty good to let the waters glide around me again. The current is dreadfully strong, but it was good sport and cooled us off admirably.
Thursday night I went to see Betty and instead of the dance--which was called off--we walked up toward Paxinosa and talked and talked. Without exception she's the only girl in this dratted town that I've met who can talk intelligently or seriously about things that count. Maybe she doesn't like to but she bluffs awfully well then. It is fun to get her comments on the men in College and compare them with the fellows' own estimates of themselves.
I've been reading Thomas Hardy's "Jude the Obscure." Lord, what a pessimist! And Meredith's "Richard Feverel." What a satire! But they are splendid books and I am still reading them with great relish.
We have a long report in English instead of a final exam, so today I shall start in on my criticism of Johnny Weaver.
If I ever wanted to see you for just a second it was last night after the dance. I was waiting for Bill, who was taking a girl home. He would be back in fifteen minutes and then we would walk back to our House. Well, he had just left when the only man whom I dislike in the whole darn club came up to me and told me that he was stuck with two girls and wanted me to help him out--get them home--"only take a few minutes."
Well, I was suspicious and after the first half-hour was frankly skeptical. An hour later I was sorry I'd bitten. The man who got me in the jamb was having a mean party with his maid, and I, being out in the cold in more ways than one, had to play the fool and amuse my maid for all that time. After I had talked about everything from college to cheeses and back again, walked up and down the block a dozen times hoping she'd freeze or get pneumonia or something, she began to get really coy and chummy and insinuating, and damn it all, I near poked her one in the nose and beat it for Bill. Fact is, I was so sore and sick that I had to waste a night like that (most heavenly moon)on such a mud fence (which is slander for she wasn't bad looking) that I almost took her up just to get even with her. It never reacted on me that way before, but when she started this fool flirting and playing with my hands I was almost tempted to give in to myself and show her that that kind of stuff is not for wholesale fooling, and end up by spanking her soundly.
Well, I hope I played the gentleman; I'm sure I never had to work so hard. The man finally showed up and after bickering around with the father of one of the girls for a long while (he didn't want his daughter to go out with strange men, yet he was lit to the gills on stuff from his own cellar!), they finally took us home and I wasn't sorry.
When I saw that tail light disappearing down the street I felt sort of weak and wanted you very badly, for it was a close shave for Larry.
Oh, well, the old moon grinned at me for a while and I felt better. Then I went in and Bill was waiting for me and the kidding he gave me snapped me out of it pretty quickly. The boy's a peach. I wish he wasn't a senior.
So I took an awful beating last night. That is, from the point that they think I'm an awful stick and antediluvian. Well, let 'em. As long as you typify my ideals I am quite ready to get myself in any jamb, 'cause I can pull out when I have something to hold to--and that something is the thought of you.
You asked me how you helped me. I can't say it very well, but this is something of what I'd like to say:
For over three years, Girl of Mine,
I've known you pretty well;
How much you've come to mean to me
You know I dare not tell.
I like your body, for it's strong
And beautiful, and fine.
Your life is clean and wholesome, like
I'm trying to make mine.
I like your mind; pure, eager, quick,
Your intellect is keen;
Your thoughts are fair, unbiassed, rich,
While mine are small and mean.
I like your spirit. You're a Heart,
A Personality.
Your sweetness and your lovely Self
Tell what I ought to be.
In body, mind, and spirit, Girl,
Your life is full and real;
Because I'd like mine that way too
I cherish your ideal.
And so you do all this for me
That no one else can do;
I pray to be more worthy, see?
More worthy, Girl, of you.
Forgive me, but I want you to have this that I scribbled off two weeks ago and hadn't the courage to tell you!
Yesterday was a big day. Atter lunch I fussed around until two-thirty and then took the Traill Green Math Prize exam. At the end of three hours I was only three-quarters of the way through and had to leave so there isn't a prayer of my getting even second in it, but it is good experience to have. And then--! I hurried over to Walsh Hall and arrived in time to go through the Tau Kappa Alpha initiation and now I am a Brother. It is such a good bunch of men! And after the ceremonies we had a regular business meeting and I was elected vice-president for next year. More luck that I don't deserve. Then we went down to a dinner at the Karldon and Prexy and several other guests were there to make it real festive. Everybody said something and it was loads of fun all around--except that Herb will go next year and we were almost in tears when he made his speech.
So I've reached another goal that I have always wanted--and was sure I'd never get. Tau Kappa Alpha will increasingly mean a lot to me, and the next two years of debating will be one long joy. It would be deadly with the standard type of debaters--milk-and-water affairs with horn-rimmed glasses--but this aggregation is a fighting crowd and it is a pleasure to work with them.
Somehow all the little disturbing things are getting under my skin and my usual placid disposition is getting irritable. Will you let me rave if I promise to be irritable only to you?
The trouble started sometime this week with several fool little things that are the result of carelessness and irresponsibility. My relationship with J----has never been terribly strong on account of them because no matter how hard we both try, we aggravate each other a bit, and it's a damn shame. I wouldn't care if I didn't like the boy so well, but when he goes out night after night and cares absolutely nothing about his work it makes me just sick for him. If he just would say that he doesn't care; but every week he is full of good intentions and he is a poor finisher. Always dies on first. Oh, I never say anything much, but when the man you would like for your friend is such a dismal failure, when two or three men in the House are accepting all the responsibility (how I've come shy at that word!), when the House average is going for a merry ride downhill, when one has not a real friend to console with in the House--you must see that it is quite a job to keep a grin on your face and be nice to everybody. What they need is somebody who won't be nice, but after harping, harping futilely for nearly a year it's getting tiresome work alone. This sounds terribly bad for the Zete House, but truly the same and usually worse conditions exist in the other Houses.
The other afternoon after Senior Pee-rade Bob and J---- and I saw a peach of a show and just as I was about happy and contented I got in with a bunch of men and after driving around we ended up in Charlie's and I had to be sociable while the rest guzzled beer for an hour. Naturally that took the pep out of everything--for me, of course--and then I came back to the House and met Bro Perry from the Central Office.
He had come to talk to the men about scholarship and he dragged me aside (you must forgive me this telling but I want you to know) to tell me that one of the men in the House had said that--this sounds bad!--I was his ideal on the campus. Then after making me thoroughly uncomfortable Bro Perry wound up by telling me that I had a tremendous responsibility to the men, the House, and Zeta Psi, that I must watch myself every minute, etc. Damn! I went up to bed and was sore for a good hour, sore because I know well that it is true. I have a responsibility, and I'm trying to accept it, but it's hard sometimes. It's all right for other people to say, "Oh, so-and-so looks up to you. You must come clean for his sake." Sometimes I believe that this business of being an idealist isn't all it's cracked up to be; at least I'm sure that most times it's blamed lonesome.
Last night was the Theta Delt dance and after I had fully determined not to go I went, mainly for the fun of wearing my tuck. It was a great party; marvelous music, bunches of imported girls, and much life and gaiety. Guess that's what I've been needing; I've stayed too close to work and meetings.
Tuesday we went swimming in the river and it seemed mighty good to let the waters glide around me again. The current is dreadfully strong, but it was good sport and cooled us off admirably.
Thursday night I went to see Betty and instead of the dance--which was called off--we walked up toward Paxinosa and talked and talked. Without exception she's the only girl in this dratted town that I've met who can talk intelligently or seriously about things that count. Maybe she doesn't like to but she bluffs awfully well then. It is fun to get her comments on the men in College and compare them with the fellows' own estimates of themselves.
I've been reading Thomas Hardy's "Jude the Obscure." Lord, what a pessimist! And Meredith's "Richard Feverel." What a satire! But they are splendid books and I am still reading them with great relish.
We have a long report in English instead of a final exam, so today I shall start in on my criticism of Johnny Weaver.
1 comment:
Neat Story/Letter!
Glad you are doing good & getting over that FLU! Luv Ya, Miss Ya, Can't Wait To See Ya! Hopefully one day soon!
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