Insanity vs Sanity

I'm skipping work today so I can call these counselors etc. But I stare at the list and wonder...

So am I insane because I think I may be able to counsel myself? Lol.

Here's how it would go:

Counselor: So why are you here?
Me: Because I need help not to commit suicide.

Counselor: Why do you want to commit suicide?
Me: For lots of reasons. How much time do we have again?

Counselor: Plenty. Tell me.
Me: Well, hmmm where to start? I'll break down into categories.
1) Life sux.
2) Relationships suck.
3) People suck.
4) Religion sux.
5) Responsibilities suck.
6) Expectations suck.
7) Finances suck.
8) Health issues.
9) Living according to others' schedules and not my own.
10) Feeling like a constant failure.
11) Feeling stuck.
12) Feeling stupid.
13) Knowing I have more potential and not reaching it.
14) Misery.

Counselor: That is a long list.
Me: Yah and that's not the half of it, each item is a category of its own. I can go on about each category in detail.

Counselor: Seems you put high expectations on yourself.
Me: I do. Doesn't everyone?

Counselor: Why do you feel this way?
Me: It surrounds me. How can I not?

Counselor: What do you mean?
Me: In America, we Americans, have standards to live by, responsibilities etc. We're on a time clock. We have to be here and be there - do this and do that. Very demanding. I feel I measure short all the time, if even that. I can't meet everyone's expectations and therefore feel constantly I'm letting one person or another down all the time. It's super frustrating.

Counselor: And you feel this way because?
Me: I am always hearing about it. I let my family down. (my parents etc) I let my boyfriend down. My friends down. I'm always late. I never do what I say I'm going to do. I'm on a different time clock than everyone else. Hell, at times I wish time didn't even exist. And I believe it really doesn't. I believe man made time and so what would it be like if there was no such thing as time? Would it be chaos? Or would we still have some sort of order? Why does everything have to have order? Organization? I realize it is necessary to get things accomplished. But seems it has become out of hand to me. People lose jobs because of being 1-3 minutes late regularly. That's stupid to me. That's just dumb. I don't get it. I'm one of those people and I know others. It doesn't mean I don't care about my job etc. I'm just always busy etc. I run into this and that all the time. My time always runs over and I'm not good at ending one thing on time to begin another. I finish on my own time and then get there when I'm done. Is that selfish of me?

etc etc etc....

Am I an optimist gone mad? I don't know, maybe.